Ch 17: I’m Sorry

Things have been pretty bad around the house recently. I know a lot of it has been my fault. Losing both of my dads, plus realizing that I am getting old has not been easy for me.

My wife’s last birthday really made it hit home that we are both now one of those old retired couples living our lives through our children and grandchildren. Hell, I already have three grandchildren.

Please don’t think I am complaining about the grand kids. Jakob, Grace, and Christopher are wonderful. Elias gained bonus points with me by naming his son after his step mother. It really pissed Winter off.

Just because I have retired, it doesn’t mean I have put away the music. I do still enjoy picking up the guitar every once in awhile. The girls seem to enjoy it also.

The problem is losing my dads. I didn’t realize how much I relied on them to be around when I needed to talk to someone who wasn’t a woman. My son-in-law has stepped into their shoes though and has been a huge help lately. He even opened my eyes to something that was happening right in my own house; something I had caused and didn’t realize.

I didn’t realize how much I was hurting my little sister, Tiana. I was so caught up in my own grief over losing our dads that I didn’t realize she was grieving also. I think part of it was that she looks so much like Dad that it hurt a little to look at her.

I have talked to her now though. I think we got it straightened out.

I am hoping I was able to make it clear to her how much I do love her and that I am glad she is here with us.

All of my girls are important parts of my life. Just as Elias and Eric are. I just hope they all realize how much I love them all, even when I am unable to say it.